Recently I have been receiving some of the most hateful and vicious emails. And of course, the first impulse is to react. But then, I took a deep breath and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance, interestingly enough, no matter what I say, regardless of how loving I think I may be, the attack comes right back. Apparently, no matter what I say, the recipient of my emails finds a way to turn them around and viciously attack right back.

So when I decided not to reply, I could see my ego wanting to say something, trying to justify itself. Then I realized what was going on. If everything I see is a projection of my guilt, it does not matter what I say, it is like trying to bargain with my own darkness. In other words, here is how the game is played; I project an illusion, let's call it a set up, then I react to it, thinking it is real. So I set myself up, then I try to use love to diffuse it. The problem is, I am trying to be loving, while at the same time I don't feel very loving deep within. In other words, I am trying to sugarcoat the experience with what I think are loving thoughts.

But once again, if I am projecting it all, and down deep within I know I am still feeling disturbed, who am I trying to fool? So understanding what A Course is telling me, such as: "Who would send messages of hatred and attack if he but understood he sends them to himself?", T-19.IV.i.14:11 it is helpful in reminding me that the only one I am crucifying is myself, therefore it would help me not to attack. However, the intellectual understanding of what the Course is teaching is not enough. How could I transform these discomforting feelings into loving ones? Very simple, not easy, but simple:

"He bids you bring each terrible effect to Him, that you may look together on its foolish cause and laugh with Him a while." T-27.VIII.9:3

Another one would be: "

"If you are willing to renounce the role of guardian of your thought system and open it to me, I will correct it very gently and lead you back to God." T-4.I.4:7

Another one would be:

"When your peace is threatened or disturbed in any way, say to yourself: I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not let my own past be the light to guide me now." T-14.XI.6:6-9

As you can see, they all say the same thing in one form or another. Let go of your thought system and offer it to the Holy Spirit. DO NOT try to figure anything out, or do anything. Just let it be. As for me, I do my best to keep my heart open and to keep loving no matter what! This remind me of Dr. Wayne Dyer's words on a radio interview when he said: "The way people react to you is their karma, but the way you react to them is YOURS!

Those who want to judge and hate me, all I can do is to love them. Because if they are my projection, healing has nothing to do with them, the healing is in me. As the Course reminds me, what they truly are is: "...the outside picture of an inward condition." T-21.in.1:5

That does not mean we have to let people attack us, it simply means we do not judge them for what they do. Those who attack are not aware of the following: "I am responsible for what I see... And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked." T-21.II.2:3;5

As I always say, I am on this journey looking at my own stuff. I am not perfect, fall of the wagon a lot, but keep practicing. And for every thought of hate I may receive, I thank all the people in my life for their loving support. I am truly blessed for having those who are willing to look beyond my personality and see the perfection I often forget to see in myself.

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