Who am I now? Every moment our mind inundates itself asking and answering this one question. Who am I nowÉand nowÉ and now? Who am I here and who I am there? Who am I in that person's story of me? Who am I in my story of the past, present and future? Who am I when I decide to go here or there? Who am I when I do not go any place at all? What words or deeds define me to the world at large? Who am I in appearance, social stature, or day to day circumstance? How does each portrayal differ from past stories and where do the stories go from here? All of our "what now" thoughts are answering the question "who now?" Truly, this is the only question we are consistently answering, defining and seeking in this experience we call life and thus self-experience.

Only your self-definitions keep you trapped and yearning. This concept is so imperative that it begs repeating: "ONLY your self-definitions keep you trapped and yearning." Tell me, what is the very reason that we seek or care to define ourselves within the world? Is it not because we feel empty and confused, worthless or invaluable, unless we have some role or identity to play? Is there not a difference between the role of "successful billionaire" and "social vagrant"? From where does the difference arise and to what result? A human-beings greatest fear is to live his or her life unknown. To live unknown is to be without value and thus eventually forgotten. This is why so many people yearn to have children, careers, and accomplishments. Without these blips left on the map of life, who would we be? The answer, according to the ego, is no one and to be no one is nothing that we dare consider without endless pangs of terror coursing through our mind.

Thus with the terror of being forgotten deep within our mind, we continue on an endless journey of strain and struggle to be someone. It is through the one accomplishment of being known that we perceive ourselves to have had value. Yet, what if I was to say your value was already, changelessly deemed as magnificent and nothing (no role, accomplishment, identity or influence) could dare change your perfection? Yes. There I go with those ridiculous spiritual platitudes again. However, do you really feel that a loving Creator would doom your eternal value and security relative on transitory accomplishments? What would be the purpose of creating an energy that is just destined to fade away into nothingness if it were not "famous" or "accomplished"? Doesn't make much sense, does it? Consequently, what of these accomplishments is truly lasting and does not require additional stress? How can we find peace and happiness within a further requirement of strain? Again, a nonsensical requirement if our Creator truly valued all He did Create.

Therefore, I am going step into my role of "cage rattler" for a moment and declare: "God does not need a single accomplishment from you to value you!" God does not need you to do any accomplishment, ritual, or sacrament to increase or decrease the love He has for you right now! God does not need you to be anyone other than the perfect, magnificent, loved, and happy creation that which He eternally communicated into existence. Truly, only the world has needs and only the world sets up requirements through its investment in fear. Likewise, fear (based in emptiness) has NOTHING to do with God! Thus, every idea that stems from fear, or happens because of a belief in fear, is nothing but a lie upon the Truth that God Himself deemed as True. This lie is a mere cloud upon the brilliant sunshine that God extends forever. Like all clouds, they can but temporarily block out the sun's rays, but cannot ever destroy the Light and Permanence of its Creation.

Be willing to accept this reality and life becomes a simple passage. Our day-to-day experiences lead only to the more profound realization that we already are (and have always been) in perfect peace. Likewise, you do not need to constantly ask and seek to answer "Who Am I." Instead, as you choose to accept God's changeless awareness of You, each day will simply flow with perfect trust. This perfect trust does not mean that you choose not to have a career, pay your bills on time, or invest in a life of crime saying, "Well, it's all perfect anyway." No, only the ego would distort such trust for its own ridiculous self-abasement. Instead, we willingly do all our responsibilities within the world with a sense of strength and appreciation, rather than a sense of fear or frustration. Each task becomes a "whistling while we work" rather than a funeral dirge of fear. With God's guarantee of your ultimate value and eternal happiness, we no longer need to enter each day mired in struggle or fear hoping that we will get the tasks of life right just in time to die. That mindset is depressing when you think about it anyway. However, that worry and search for meeting God's needs just right is ego's belief. Consequently, the ego will keep you justifying the desperate search for completion as long as you are willing to believe its lies about your emptiness.

Moments like this, I think about my dog. No really, I believe there is a reason why dog spelled backwards is "god." My dog does not ever struggle or stress over getting or achieving. She is pure happiness in every moment, almost as if she recognizes no reason to question otherwise. For my dog, a walk outside is just as much of a joy as a snooze on the couch. She meets a bowl of the same dry food day after day with the same gleeful anticipation. She accepts a rub on the tummy with the greatest sense of self-adoration. Surely, she must simply know and accept how loved she is without question or further concern. She feels no need to daily strive further attempting to please me, uncertain of my reciprocity. No, instead, she is the same exact wholly loving dog every day and she trusts that I will always be the equivalent perfectly accepting master.

Okay, now its time for more cage rattling. Some of you reading this note find themselves actively involved in the journey of spiritual self-awareness. Many of you engage in daily tasks such as long hours of meditation, special diets, candle or incense burning, altar building, crystal-collecting and hymn or mantra repetition to mention only a few. What if I was to say to you (and I am) that these tasks are needless to reaffirm your spiritual value? Again, you need not do even one of these ceremonies to confirm God's point of view. The only purpose to these routines is for you to remember your True Self. Yes, remembering your True Self is an important purpose. Especially important when we consider the myriads of ways we have invested in forgetting. However, there is no need to project or make this remembrance dependent upon an item or ritual. You can purely choose to remember your True Self daily without a single sacrament or body-identification. How? Make the choice to center your mind on love over fear. Choose to remember your True Self in each moment by being your True Self. Extend the awareness of your solidly deserving love to every person you encounter. Be grateful, accepting, willing, compassionate, supportive, and joyful through all the highs and lows of life experience. Choose to see peace instead of pain. Choose to give rather than resist. Greet your brothers and sisters with open arms rather than suffocating judgments. Rather than saying, "I'll pray for you" out of belittling fear or pompous arrogance, recognize that God is with each person right here and right now. Choose to play out each of these experiences to every person. Do this and God's awareness of You not only remains your perfect reality, but also you do see every reality as perfect. Truly, what could bestow greater peace and happiness?

Recently, I noticed within me a personal loathing for all "things" spiritual. My thinking and emotional preferences literally developed a disgust for what I perceived as the Capitalistic spiritual pathway. I felt myself thinking, "The credence repeats over and over without any results" and "every book is empty bull unless I begin to put it to use." I likened every spiritual, motivational or self-help guru to just another dog and pony show saying: "If I hear another lecture on spirituality, I'll puke!" Yes, these thoughts were quite insistent that I have had enough with where the world wanted to take me spiritually. What was this abhorrence all about? Obviously, the distaste I was feeling was not arising from peace and so I had to give the awareness to Holy Spirit. With this, I found myself overwhelmed by a business of spirituality. Just as the diet Mecca does not reduce weight, the spiritual commercialism did not have me feel more peaceful. Why? Was I merely was aligning with the resistance of the ego? Like someone who invests in a pricey diet but still sneaks Twinkies beneath her pillow, was I still trying to do things my own way? At first, this excuse seemed like a viable option, until I recognized how blaming the ego or guilting myself for resistance also did not bring me peace. I listened again to the furied thoughts and sought to give them all to Holy Spirit asking Him to show me what I was lacking within my own confusion.

Finally, one consistent realization birthed itself from the clouds: "seeking is asking and asking does not know." If I wanted to know, investing in my wanting was not going to reveal the knowledge that already exists within me. The industry of spirituality was not to blame for my disgust. I projected my inner disgust on the industry of spirituality, as it seemed to play out my attachment to wanting or needing from the outside. My disgust was a sign that I was disgusted with wanting and seeing myself as not having. Let this thought rest within your mind for a moment and allow it to seep through your own awareness of the spiritual practice. Ask yourself for the reason why you first and continually engage in spiritual rituals? What are you seeking to find? From and for who is the seeking engaged. Yes, the answer does set you back a bit.

Personally, my involvement in spirituality was supposed to "make me more peaceful." Every workshop that I attended offered me the opportunity to get to know peace moreÉ or so my seeking mind did think. Each investment had the potential for making me closer to realizing how I still was as God Created me. However, in order for me not to be peaceful, wouldn't I first have to be denying my own peace? It is only possible to deny one's own peace if one denies the True Self or uses the world to define him or herself. Only the world's paradigm repeatedly tells us how we are not good or peaceful enough because of money, relationships, or other world-based identities. Thus, as long as I refused the peace within, using the world as my teacher, I denied my True Self and every invested penny had a purpose in my continued plan of Self-denial. Oddly enough, I was giving the responsibility to the workshop and not myself. I often found it most ironic how within most workshops, after the $350.00 workshop fee was collected, the teacher would instruct, "all of this is also within you." Some lecturers would tell me how "the angels stood before me knowing all that I did not know about my magnificent Self." Wow. What wonderful words for a person whom wanted to be someone peaceful, loved, and/or worthy. When would I finally begin to see this Vision within myself? Would it be during the next pay per channel session? Or maybe the Truth would finally emerge after the next book purchased? One thing was certain thoughÉ and it wasn't me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not dismissing the spiritual teaching circuit. I'm not saying that people who teach spirituality are snake-oil salesmen or frauds. Heck, this statement would be denouncing my own self, right? I do have my own book for saleÉ and you can get it at this website! HAHA! No seriously, all that I am stating is that each of us on this pathway is responsible for asking and answering one question: "Why am I here?" The answer to this one question can take you to unimaginable depths of self-awareness. Most likely, the most "self-fulfilling" answer arises when you seek not to answer the question from the outside, but instead choose to notice your experience of the question from the inside. Every answer you strive for outside is merely an answer to your own "Who am I" search inside. This is why asking is not knowing.

Try then, as best you can, to discern objectively the story of "me" in every thought. Find the story of "me" within both your spiritual practice and every worldly endeavor. Take notice of how every thought within your mind is a story of "me" asking to be told and denoting characters to play out this story. If you notice deeply, you will see how none of these thoughts ever arrives at any particularly permanent or satisfactory realization. The stories of "me" keep spinning as long as you recognize the need to invest in a "me" that is not whole or complete right now. This is not a bad realization. I do not say these concepts to discourage you; however, the more we choose to notice how the story of "me" is meaningless and riddled in Self-denial, the more we are able to reawaken ourselves beyond the story.

Is it not true that we can often become lost in our day to day experiences? I can lie within my bed, upon first awakening, and think of a million tasks to do before placing my feet upon the floor. These thoughts will justify their necessity. Each thought convincingly states multiple reasons for why, when and how I must follow through "or else". These thoughts will plan my day, telling me how much time I can remain in bed, how much time I'll need to get dressed, walk the dog, get out of the house and engage fully in each daily need. These thoughts will berate me if I attempt to turn them off. They will tell me that I can't "be irresponsible" and that "I must" or "should" do a myriad of tasks just in order to stay afloat within the world. My spiritual rituals can also pronounce similar testimony. If I don't "do my daily lesson", "pray at least 5 minutes" or "read so many pages in the Course" I'll "never find the peace that is me." It took me years and years to begin seeing how each of these thoughts only have a story about me which is apart from the present moment and that peace is only known in the present moment. Therefore, with my investment in these thoughts I was only succeeding at keeping peace at bay. Again, peace later is blindness to peace now.

Take a moment today to practice the awareness of simply being aware. Try to practice a more profound awareness of the self that is engaging in spiritual practice or life tasks. Attempt to listen to the story of this self and then love it for just existing despite what it does or thinks. Then take a chance and step away from the self-help book, candle, mantra, affirmation audio, special diet, or incense. Do not step away out of aversion. Merely wish to let go temporarily of your attachment to the outer tool. Discover who is using these modalities to grasp for a peace and why. Take a moment to allow a recognition that speaks for the peace solidly existing right now within her or him. Take a moment to simply notice who is writing, who is praying, who is asking and who is seeking. Then once you recognize who you think you are, as well as who you are hoping to become, STOP. Sit and just be exactly then and exactly there. Notice if you begin to undertake a routine of self-analysis. Analysis is another form of distraction, as it is trying to understand rather than just experience. If you notice this, let the analysis go as well. Forgiving all that you see yourself desiring to be, understand or do will bring you back to the present moment.

Attempt not to be concerned if an absolute terror arises within you during this suggested practice. This fear only reaffirms how your mind has been aptly accustomed to investing in devices of distraction for the consistency of time. These devices of distraction (both words contain root references to the verb "to divide") are accomplishing their goal. However, now that you have chosen to realize a goal of "now" rather than "then" the terror comes to the forefront. Don't worry; terror can never stay within your mind for long. Fear is dependent on distraction and investment. If you were to merely watch the terror without response, all the discomfort quickly fades from your perception. Beyond time the only experience remaining will be one of simply being, and this is peace at last.

In summary, if we choose to dedicate moments to notice who is seeking and who is finding, we will chose to be the finder much more often than the seeker. We find what we already possess. Accepting all that we possess only allows us to recognize its value with a greater intensity. Therefore, "Who am I" becomes "Who I am" and right there God knows.

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