Success and Miracles: Ask Nick Arandes

Hi Friend,

>Besides me not being happy with my life,
>my child doesn't have any
>confidence in herself, hardly has
>any friends and doesn't do well in school

And where do you think she learned it from? Children learned from what they see not from that they are taught. If you don't have the confidence in yourself to do what you know is appropriate for yourself, how could you teach others to be confident?

Here is a story, a comedian friend of mine whom I worked with many years back always told his children to never say I can't. One day on television he saw a juggler. As he was watching the the TV he blurred out, "I wish I could juggle." His 12 year old without missing a beat said, "Dad, don't you say I should never say I can't do something?"

After being caught by his child, he went to his baseman, picked up 3 tennis balls and promised that he will not come out until he can juggle. He practiced for hours on end. After about 5 or 6 hours, he told his family to get ready for the show.

Although he was not proficient at it, at least he was able to get the three balls in the air just like a juggler. From that they forward, if any of his children would say I can't, all he would do is, make the juggling motion with his hand and they would get it.

He is a man who was very successful at his business and in his late 40s decided pursued his life-long passion which is comedy. Today, he is one of the most thought after comedians in the comedy and corporate circuit.

I am not going to deny that children have many influences, and certainly wont expect to put all the pressure on you either because I don't know why some children behave the way they do and some don't even when they are both raised in the same household. I do have lots of theory about it, but I am not a parent so I am not going to go there.

Needless to say, I truly believe that we must embody the principles we want to teach to others. And children's first influence are their parents.

There was a story told about Gandhi, where a mother came to him with his teenage son and asked him to tell him to give up sugar because it was making him hyperactive and it was damaging his teeth. Mahatma Gandhi said to her, "Would you bringing me your child a week from today?" She did. The following week, she comes back with her child and Mr. Gandhi asked, "what is it you asked me to do?" The mother reminded him about asking his child to give up sugar. So Gandhi said to the child. "Please give up sugar because it will make you hyperactive and damage your teeth." The child's mother in disbelief, ask Mr. Gandhi. "Why did you asked me to come back here so that you can say to him what I have been saying?"

Mr. Gandhi, in all his humility said, "Because I had to give up sugar first before I could ask him to do so." In other words, lead not by words but by example.

Use your daughter's situation to help yourself grow so that you can be an example of possibilities to her. You'll be amazed as to what results you may experience. That being said, it is your journey, not hers. You do this for yourself, her change could simply be a wonderful side-effect. It is ultimately however, about your own transformation. As Gandhi said, BE the change you want to experience in the world.